Saturday, June 30, 2012

Midnight Memoirs: Bess

May the 19th, 1536; Anne Boleyn’s execution, she had never looked as glorious as she did that day walking to the scaffold, with the hush of the gathered crowd, the weeping of her ladies was the only sound at that moment. Even after the ladies helped her undress, leaving her in just a plain linen smock and tucked her lustrous hair into a cap, she looked divine. I remember being amazed at how brave and dignified she appeared, never showing fear of her impending death or spite to those who had put her there. I wept as she knelt, the executioner took a deep breath as he clasped the sword. And then it had happened in one quick swoop, her head rolled straight off and blood spattered everywhere. I swear I saw her eyes blink for a few more seconds and that’s when I fainted. I was carried home by my brother Thomas and taunted by my younger sister Kat. It’s funny that I was so averse to the bloodshed then; but things were about to change. I was about to change and I had no idea what was coming.

I was at my most attractive then, sixteen: petite yet curvy, tiny waist, long dark hair, almost black in colour, emerald eyes, a wicked smile full of promises and lust and betrothed to Henry Seville. I couldn’t wait to make love; I spent most of my days thinking about it and my nights dreaming of it. I was obsessed by the notion of the wedding night so I could strip off all my restrictive layers of clothing and lie with Henry who I hoped would kiss me ravenously and touch my naked breasts.

The evening after the execution I was walking through the market square when I became aware that I was being watched, a real sensation of eyes burning into my soul. I felt afraid although nothing had happened to cause this feeling. I looked around, desperately searching for the eyes that made my breathing sharp. A menacing laughter echoed around my head. My feet gathered speed and knew where they were going; as though they had some secret instruction that my mind was not privy to.

I felt like a puppet, a marionette operated by an invisible force that seemingly was leading me to the old, crumbling chapel. I knew I should go home, dusk was quickly setting and my Mother would be irate if I wasn’t back in a few moments. The Seville family were coming to dinner to discuss the final wedding plans. Henry would soon be at the table, smiling, blonde locks and sapphire eyes, waiting with that look of wonder he always saved for me. But I feared I wouldn’t make it.

As my feet marched up the path, the wide, wooden chapel door opened with a creak. Nobody had pushed it open; there was nobody there, just darkness and flickering candles, illuminating patches of the dark wooden beams occasionally. A shape in the corner I couldn’t identify shifted slightly at the bang of the door as it slammed shut behind me.

‘Ah, my bewitching Bess, how long I have waited for you,’ a loud voice boomed from the dark shape in the shadows. ‘And you look more becoming than ever’.

I flinched, struggling to match the voice to anyone I had ever remembered meeting. Blank. Nothing.

‘I don’t believe I know you Sir,’ I managed, my body shivering, my heart racing, though the name Erasmus now pricked my consciousness which seemed absurd.
‘I hear your heart beating rapidly in fear of me. Why? I am your saviour,’ he teased, invisible and intimidating. My black gown felt more constrained than usual, dizziness swayed me a little.

‘I don’t know what you mean Sir. I have to go home, my Mother will be worrying. I am betrothed to be wed, I must go home,’ I stammered as resolution and control slipped away with each word I uttered.

My eyes searched for the shape that I could no longer see, the lick of the candles not providing enough light. I felt a presence behind me and unlike before, my feet were glued to the spot. I couldn’t have moved them with all the will in the world.

An icy cold breath tickled my neck and a hand stroked my braided hair. My body defied my dread and reacted to the touch, calming and resting into his hard body.

‘Beautiful Bess, the most stunning girl in all of England. I nearly took you as a child, I entered your chamber as you were sleeping, nigh on a decade ago and resisted, knowing that you’d grow into your voluptuous self and it would make the dance all the more sweet,’ his voice was smooth and authoritative.

It was pure vanity that had sucked me into the vortex of his words; I could never turn down a compliment. I was a silly little thing rushing to grow up. I felt sure he could read my mind.

‘Rushing to grow up, Bess is not what you should want for yourself. Imagine yourself in even five years, fat with child, your hair and resplendent eyes will lose their shine. You will age and become the toothless woman in the market square, grey and faded. You can’t let that happen. I can help you. I must keep you as this sparkling jewel for eternity,’ his hand cupped my breast at his last word, sending a darting ripple of lust and passion down my body. I was drowning.

My head tingled as though he were actually inside it, probing and reading and a wave of serenity enveloped me, as had his strong arms. I wanted him. I wanted him to take me in any way he saw fit. I was his and he knew it.

I felt his cold lips skim the sensitive flesh of my neck and I groaned out loud, the echoes of my cries throughout the chapel so arousing. And then pain, the frightful pain. Searing, scorching, and burning as I felt his sharp fangs pierce my skin, his mouth sucking my blood, my heart galloping away. I struggled but it was no use. His grip was tenacious and his strength immense. I felt weak but still he continued, depleting my very being. I was shocked when he let go, I was sure he’d planned to kill me, I felt close to death.

He faced me for the first time, this pale, spectacularly striking oddity with raven black hair and dark eyes and forced my head down on to his neck. I didn’t even think, instinct took over and I bore down with my blunt teeth and bit him hard, ripping the skin a little and taking back the vital blood he had stolen from me.

I was shaken to find I liked it, I wanted it and I just took more, even when I felt his knees buckle I could not stop, possessed and wild, with an urgency I had never known. He broke free and I snarled, demanding more but he was firm that I’d had enough.

I slept then, beside him in a crypt, too weary to argue. Upon waking, I was too frail to move but I discovered I was like him: whiter than white with sharp teeth, other worldly and I could not go home. Erasmus said that the sun would burn me alive and nobody must ever know what I had become. I thought of Henry and wept salty tears of crimson blood, staining my pretty ghostly face. Despite the warnings, I frequently visited Henry over the years. He never even sensed my presence though I watched him intently, bouts of anger flaring when he married my younger Sister Kat and desolation as he grew into an old man. I do believe this broke the bit of heart that remained in my cold body.

I stayed with Erasmus for a long while, until he felt I could make it alone. I occasionally hear stories pertaining to his audacity and outrageous deeds; he’s one of the oldest of us which comes with a legendary form of gravitas among the fellow shadows of the night. I feel no menace towards him, I have had plenty of time to reflect and accept his actions. I don’t particularly crave the company of others like myself or attempt to pass as a human as some have done. I know my place. The decades simply dance, knitting together the centuries as I watch the changes they duly bring, my face as beautiful as ever, and sweet sixteen. I never did get the chance to make love but now my nightly outings consist of finding a handsome man, as much like Henry as possible and I make him mine, if just for a few moments before I watch him die.



Torment

As her breathing calmed, Ella let the brown paper bag fall from her lips to the floor. Being in this room wasn’t getting any easier which made her cross with Mrs. Sheldon, her neighbour, who was constantly saying something about time and healing. People had lots of things to say but nothing real to offer, just sayings that automatically popped out of their mouths, Ella thought. The scene had been like one from a film. One of the nasty ones rated 18 that she wasn’t yet old enough to see. But this one she had seen.

The room was quite different now. The sofa had gone, taken as evidence and now replaced with a pristine dark brown model. Ella recoiled and clutched her stomach, a crashing wave of nausea rising in her throat. She trailed her eyes to her school photograph, the one taken before it had all happened, in an attempt to forget the horror. She looked happy there, there was no fear or trauma, just a pretty girl with long blonde hair, parted in the middle, blue eyes and dimples. She'd applied a little mascara and lip gloss because she was 13 and that’s what all the other girls had done. Beyond the photo Ella caught her reflection in the large oval mirror on the wall. Her hair was shorter these days as she’d taken the scissors to it a week earlier and hacked it off in uneven, clumsy handfuls. Her eyes didn’t seem as blue either and you couldn’t see her dimples; they only appeared when she smiled; which was rare now.

Her thoughts dragged her eyes back to the sofa. I should have moved the furniture around; she cursed silently, and thought that might have helped? It stood in the exact place as the old one that had been cream until soaked with deep red blood. She began to wheeze and picked the paper bag up, taking a few short, sharp breaths and eventually relaxing her hold until she felt okay again.
The carpet had been pulled up and taken away, that had been soaked in blood too. At least they had a hard floor instead now, her feet made a different sound so she didn’t have an immediate flashback from that. Everything else was the same, except her duvet. He’d gone up to her bedroom, taken it and covered the body with it. She never saw her pink polka dot cover again after finding her Mum, wrapped inside it, naked, dead and mutilated. They’d taken that too. More evidence. DNA.

Four months isn’t a long time for a girl to accept the scene she had come home from school to find that day. It was the most hideous sight in the world. Now she doesn’t remember her Mum, blonde, smiling and pretty. She only remembers which body parts were missing, that he had cut her Mum’s face. And that he was still out there somewhere. She grasped the paper bag and breathed sharply into it.




The Birth Plan

Kindly get my coat as I have changed my mind.
I won’t be giving birth today, I think you will find.
I did read all the books but this is not for me.
I think I’ll cross my legs, go home, have a cup of tea.
Midwife I may strike thee. Imagine my cervix is a flower?
Are you having a bloody laugh? I’ve been at 9cm for an hour!
He’s made himself a Pot Noodle, my calm, collected hubby
And he’s watching a Columbo which just isn’t bloody funny.
I watch him, brazenly slurping, and hope he chokes on a pea,
Because frankly I’m furious that this is all down to me.
Ouch, Jesus Christ! Epidural, I beg you, please!
I know my birth plan states natural but my brain must have had a disease.
What the holy hell was I thinking? Drugs! Do it! Now!
What do you mean it’s too late, you stupid bloody cow?
Expletives leave my lips, firing around the labour ward.
I won’t repeat them to you (but they’re miles away from Good Lord).
Hubby offers his hand which I am compelled to bite
Because he isn’t in any pain and that doesn’t feel right.
The head is here, I hear someone say.
Can I go home now? Do this another day?
The pressure makes me push and push and push
And scream like a banshee resulting in the gush
Of the slippery newborn and then the blessed cry.
We have a baby daughter. Welcome. Hello. Hi.
Trickling down my cheeks, happy salty tears
As I snuggle her in close and forget all my fears.
Gazing into hubby’s eyes, loving him more than ever,
I forget now, why was I at the end of my tether?

Friday, June 22, 2012

Once upon a time ....

She’d been dumped by text message. Helen was sick of disastrous relationships, fruitless quests, unhappily ever afters. She resented the lies she’d grown up with: there’s a special person out there for everyone, Prince Charming combing the village to slip on Cinderella’s glass slipper, and absolutely everything relating to fairy tales. She dried her eyes on the last tissue and resolved to go and buy some more.

She watched her walking feet, determined to ignore any happy looking couples as she marched down to the supermarket. She closed her eyes as she passed a proud pregnant bump and looked up at the sky rather than face the adoring elderly husband and wife still holding hands after all these years. That’s why she didn’t see the car that narrowly missed her by about two inches, screeched to the other side of the road, causing her to pass out with the shock.

When she came to, she was in the arms of a man, who smiled to see her open eyes and colour form in her cheeks. He said he was a doctor, and that he was so relieved to have spotted her in time, it could have been fatal. Their hearts simultaneously thudded at the frailty of human life, with being caught up in this moment, in distracted attraction, widening pupils and wry smiles.

He took her home and loved her gently. She smiled and never left his arms. Or his flat. They redecorated in the spring.

Napping Blogger Award



So, I've been nominated for the Napping Blogger Award by the rather lovely Miranda Kate.

The rules for the Napping Blogger Award are easy:
  1. Link back to the ones who gave you the award.
  2. Tell us what you do to take time for YOU! That might be a hobby, a musical break, a favorite movie or show, sitting outside enjoying nature, or even taking a nap!
  3. Nominate five other bloggers - especially folks you think deserve a break from their routine.

Well, the mere notion of taking time is hilarious! I swear there is a time thief that sneaks into my house and gobbles it all up. I am a Mum of 3 children, ages 9, 7 and 4. Monday to Friday I have 17 different school journeys to do and the kids keep me pretty busy as I’m sure you can imagine. Also, I have a small craft business where I make bespoke cards and jewellery and accessories to sell both online and at craft fairs. When I’m not doing that I am helping to organise the annual local festival or helping out at school. When I’m not doing that, I’m spending time with my partner, talking at him until his eyes glaze over.

And when I’m not doing ALL OF THAT, I crawl into a corner and hide with a pad of paper and a pen and write as much as I can before someone wants something (which generally is a very small amount of time!). “Mummy.” – The most used word in the history of the world. My kids will walk by Daddy to come and ask Mummy, up flights of stairs if they have to. I’ve never quite got to the bottom of this.

Don’t get me wrong, I love lots of things. I love books and reading, films of all kinds, history, astronomy, the list is a long one. It’s just that I find that I rarely have the time to actually sit and do any of these lovely things. Days fly by and I end up in a flap and a panic, helping my son with his homework while planning the packed lunches and washing school uniforms, tweeting and making cards all at the same time. And then it hits me, the sickening realisation that I haven’t written anything today AGAIN. It drives me potty, I drool over the Arvon site and pretend that, one of these bloody days, I’ll go for it and write in solitude for an entire week. Is this likely? No. Why? Because I’m a Mummy, of course.

So, what I am trying to say is …. it’s the writing that is the *ME* time. It makes me happy. It’s what I want to do. It’s all I’ve ever dreamed of. And should you ever spot me, in a little corner, scribbling like mad, then that’s when I’m full of creative joy because words are appearing on a sheet of paper like magic. From my head! It’s beautiful and therapeutic and blissful. And, yes, one of these days I will find a way to do this a LOT more. But, realistically, this could be quite some years away. So, stolen and snatched scribble time it is.

I've spent AGES wondering who to nominate next, there are so many interesting people (and I am seriously nosey). Finally, I have decided to pick:

Michael Sands @wokingwriter

Michael Crossan @michaelcrossann

Six Words Magazine @sixwordsmag

Helen Yendall @helenyendall  

Della Galton @dellagalton

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Him & Her

‘I’m falling apart,’ he joked, rubbing his throbbing left wrist.

She didn’t laugh. She didn’t even look up from the television that blared out like a wall between them.

He sloped off to bed and slept, despite the noise from the room below and the jolts of pain shooting down his left arm.

She went to the pantry and returned with the gingerbread man and bit down.

He awoke screaming. His left hand was missing, like it had never existed in the first place. The skin had perfectly sealed the stub of his arm.

Her tongue licked at the gingerbread crotch.

He produced an exuberant erection.

She continued.

He cried for his missing left hand, but couldn’t resist reaching down to touch himself with his right.

She bit the gingerbread man’s right hand clean off.

He thrashed and shrieked and shouted as his right hand disappeared before his very eyes.

She yanked up the volume on the television.

He wept like a deserted baby.

Her teeth chipped off the icing mouth.

He couldn’t scream or shout any more.

She ate it all up until it was just a head with confectionary eyes.

He took up significantly less space in the bed.

She picked the eyes off, one by one.

He was left in the dark.

She finished him off with a crunch.

Silence.

She walked upstairs.

He wasn’t there.

She brushed the gingerbread crumbs off the sheets.

He had fallen apart.

She finally laughed.


Friday, June 8, 2012

Bubbles

Frothy broth of hot bubbles
Tickling at my chest.
You enter beside me,
Beads of water
Glisten on your torso.
Our crystal champagne flutes
Clink together.
Cold, fizzy bubbles
Race down my throat.
Your foot strokes my ankle
And I pull you towards me.
Our wet bodies
Slip and slide.
Your hands sink down,
Lower, lower, lower.
Breathless kisses
And dizzying sighs.
A blissful adventure
In our next door neighbours
Hot tub.
Ssssh.