Lost Property

Gordon searched the carriages at the end of his shift, scooping up the weird and wonderful artefacts of lost property to hand into the station: a family photograph, a paisley scarf and a single jewel encrusted, glittering stiletto. He had a funny feeling in his crotch that he didn’t understand, and so, uncharacteristically, stuffed it into his bag.

Back home, he took it out and lovingly stroked the knobbly crystals. It was a large shoe, he immediately visualised an outrageously tall, blonde with a figure to die for. Gordon wished to find the owner. During the night, he dreamed about sliding his foot into the stiletto.

In the morning, Gordon did some internet research and discovered some photographs which looked just like the shoe he cradled in his free hand. He printed off the address and ran out to his bicycle. He arrived at Diane’s Boutique and struck gold. She had recently embellished that very shoe, for Vicky over at Wonderland.

Gordon dashed over to Wonderland, a strip club with violet walls. He shyly asked to see Vicky; he wished to return some property left on a train. Vicky is a man, dressed as a woman. Gordon’s level of excitement, concerning the shoe, does not falter. 

‘Oh my Prince Charming!’ shrieked Vicky in a male voice. The long blonde wig confused Gordon. As did the fact that Vicky was outrageously tall and had a figure to die for.

‘Would you like to go out for a drink some time?’ Gordon heard himself asking.

‘You’re not my usual type,’ stated Vicky. Gordon felt crushed.

‘What’s your usual type?’ he asked.

‘Gay!’ laughed Vicky.

‘I might be,’ Gordon offered tentatively.

‘That’s for you to decide,’ said Vicky, stooping down to kiss Gordon’s bald patch.

‘Show me,’ Gordon pleaded, handing Vicky the majestic shoe at last.

Gordon had a front row seat at the Wonderland strip show. Vicky wore the jewel encrusted heels, was blonde, outrageously tall, and had a body to die for. Vicky also had the same body parts as Gordon. Gordon was in love.